Category: medical fun

It started out as a rather routine affair. The taxi was called by someone who was having medical problems and she asked to be brought to the hospital. It turned out that this patient was not the best at following instructions as the reason she needed to be brought in was in part due to not taking other medications.

Things took a turn for the worse, as by the time she arrived at the hospital she was in such bad shape that she couldn’t even be moved from the cab due to breathing problems. The emergency room reacted like the trained professionals that they were and rushed out with five personnel, one of which was a male nurse.

Just like a medical show taking place on the sidewalk they literally saved her life and then they prepared her to move her from the street to the hospital. Yet there was one small little thing, the taxi cab driver wanted money for driving her to the hospital. The poor guy has to eat as well. So the male nurse took the patients wallet out of her purse and in front of her, the cab driver and four other medical professionals he paid the cab driver and put away the wallet.

Time may heal all wounds but medication and high tech equipment also plays a part, well in this story anyway. It was about 24 hours later when the patient who was no longer in death throes turned into a witch. This patient wanted to go home as she thought she was fine. In Germany a doctor in the hospital can refuse to release you if he or she thinks you will be a threat to either yourself or to others. The doctor on duty felt, that she may not be a threat to others but there was a good chance that she might not survive, so in order to get her held against her will he called the police.

The police showed up and before the doctor could get a word in edgewise, the patient spoke to the police and filed a complaint against the male nurse who “stole” from her. The list of things that were missing was the cab fare, 10 additional euros and a second mobile phone. If the condition of her first phone was any indicator then the second one may not even work. To the knowledge of all the people who attended this emergency there was no second phone when she was admitted to the hospital.

She felt that the male orderly was criminal in this case and thus filed the official complaint. The only thing that indeed is true is that neither the orderly nor anyone else should have taken the wallet out and paid the cab driver. The fact it was done in front of the patient doesn’t change that fact. I think it is at least a small bit suspect as who knows down to the cent how much money is sitting in their wallet. The most obvious suspect is the “terrible terrible” person who helped to save her life.

What does the profile of a terrible terrible medical nurse look like? This orderly was an elderly gentlemen of about sixty five, so it is possible that no matter how cool this second phone was he probably did not have either the interest or perhaps the knowledge of how to utilize such a device. Another fact that makes him look suspicious is that prior to becoming an orderly he was a priest – yup a man who dedicated his life to god. This doesn’t sound like your typical felon. Someone who when their calling came to an end, decided to continue in another profession that also helped people in need.

When I heard about this I half jokingly made the comment that well, if she does pass away then I guess this problem will go with her. Yet, I was mistaken on this count. Now that the crime has been reported to the proper authorities it will be prosecuted either with or without the victim.

But I am not drunk …. When you hear this line it is typically from someone who has indeed had too much to drink. But perhaps I am getting ahead of my myself.

Our doctor received a 15 year old female who was found in a ditch. This may or may not sound so surprising but you must remember that in Germany roads don’t normally have ditches. Well, that is a bit too bold of a statement. Ditches do occur but you might find them next to an autobahn or perhaps far out in the country.

I work in a small Frankfurt hospital. The reason that our patient was delivered my hospital was because the hospital closest to where the patient was discovered did not accept children.

I could see that the patient did have something in her system so asked how much she had to drink. She was told that she didn’t have anything to drink, and truth be told there was no smell of alcohol on her breath. It is a hard world full of bad people, did someone slip her something or take advantage of her? Well, you might as well tell me about you evening as the blood test will tell all.

Obviously the young girl was reasonably full of herself when she responded.

Ver fick dich du alte kuh

(approx Fuck off old bitch)

Well, she was a bit more talkative after that. She claims that she goes out every night and parties and that of course her parents know all about it.

Wow, but how did she end up in the ditch, and how did she end up here? Well, the patient was out with her girlfriend and they were having such a good time that they had to walk their bikes back home. What an evening it was. Her blood alcohol level was 1.6 pro mil, she literally was too drunk and too tired to keep going. She simply laid down in the ditch.

Her friend kept going, walking both bikes home. Luck was with them as friends of her parents saw her walking home and offered her a lift. It was a cold night and her parents were out of town, which truth be told might have helped her to get out to party. When she was dropped off at home, she did mention to the adults that her friend was laying in the ditch out there.

So the adults went out and found the girl and called the ambulance. When the ambulance got there she was cold and wet, she had lost a couple of degrees Celsius and so they had her remove her wet things and wrap up on a thermoblanket.

The temperature was near freezing. Considering the long term memory of a drunk there must have been guardian angel on overtime. Our patient’s drinking partner’s folks were not home. At this temperature you could easily die from hypothermia in two to three hours, she never would have lasted until morning.

Well, about 30 minutes later the girls parents show up and claim that such an outburst does sound out of character but did not deny that it occurred.

People are the same everywhere, you might find a genius in a small town (Albert Einstein, Ulm Germany), or you might find one or more idiots in a big city such as my neighbor. It turns out that in Slovakia there is a tiny village where the cumulative village IQ is being dragged down because some of the inhabitants cannot figure out how to move away.

The story is actually quite common, boy meets girl, boy loves girl, and finally boy leaves girl. Unfortunately the fairly tale changes tone when the boy receives a visit as part of an investigation to determine the paternity of the child.

It seems that the young couple must have been quite friendly as reason for this visit was due to the celebration of an August birth. When confronted by what seemed to be incontrovertible evidence the boy suggested that it really could not be his baby. After all, he had not been with the girl in question since new years eve, and that was really some time back.

Well, It did take come explaining but after learning not only how babies are made but how long of a process it is before the actual birth. Once all of this was clear he did admit that perhaps he could indeed be the father.

Apparently, the entire process is not started with a letter written to a stork after all.

The patient was in for a routine check. It was just for a routine liver biopsy, nothing serious. He checked into the hospital but didn’t get the best roommate. The roommate was an alcoholic with a history of psychiatric problems. When nobody was around it seems that our alcoholic patient decided to take the banker’s clothes and go for a walk. The banker had very good taste in clothing as was obvious from his “handsome” silver metallic suit.

This was only realized near the end of the shift. Pretty much as you might expect when somebody takes someone else’s property you have to get the police involved. Our Dr. heroine bore witness to the entire situation. It began with with people being hurriedly interviewed and all of the facts being written down in a notebook.

It is less clear what happened to the keys, wallet and other personal effects but in general things turned as it could have been expected. The alcoholic with a new suit and a pocket full of money felt like going out and celebrating. He was found a few hours later sleeping it off on a park bench. Standard procedure for the German police when they find a passed out person is to bring him to a hospital for medical attention.

Imagine the surprise, not even 12 hours later, when our heroine walked into a room to check on a new patient. The previous alcoholic was now laying in a new room in the same hospital being checkout by the same medical staff. There was one additional fact that that was also quite obvious. The drunk was a very well dressed unconscious patient – well that and apparently a very stinky one. It was actually difficult to be in the same room due to the smell of urine, fecal material as well as other odd fragrances.

There must have been a conversation about how the suit was once again found but that was not reported. All we do know is that the banker let his former roommate keep the suit.