WorkTales

Where do you think you are

A couple of guys went into a somewhat grubby looking bar in the eastern Europe looking for something to drink.

Patron: Hmm, I would like to have wine.
Patron: Perhaps a nice Chardonnay
Waiter: Red or White. You have to realize just where %&$# you are.

Rules of Communism

Don’t say anything
If you do say anything don’t write it down
If write it down don’t sign it
If you sign it don’t be surprised

Wonders of Communism

Everybody had a job but nobody did anything
You could never buy anything but everybody had everything
Everybody has been stealing but nothing was ever missing

A Russian joke

Somebody comes and knocks on the door and a housewife answers. Do you need any wood? She looks over at the pile of wood and says no. The next day when she wakes up and opens the door all of the wood is gone.

If you can imagine the scene, a bunch of youths are standing around with a hatchet daring each other to do some damage to that cherry tree. Finally George cuts it down, perhaps gets a few points with his peers, but as he is getting ready to tell his father the truth he must be thinking what a bad idea that was.

That story is possible, but it is also possible that when the biography of George Washington was written after his death there were a few things that were added for flavor. I can only imagine that in some police in the bomb squad were sitting around thinking that exact same thought – wow what a bad idea that was. You would need to go back a couple of days to get to the beginning of the story.

The police wanted to test out their security so they planted some plastic explosives in some suitcases to see if the bomb dog could find the explosives. Planted explosives doesn’t mean that it was a coordinated event where the passenger knew what was happening but rather that the authorities secretly placed actual plastic explosives into his suitcase.

Why place the explosives into a suitcase that is arriving when we can put it into one that would actually be departing. It is not completely clear if the dog failed find all of the explosives, they were not all removed or if the police simply lost them.

What would be the worst possible place for that explosive to show up in? If you were thinking somebody headed for Dublin, Ireland you would be correct. You would have thought that the police would have had one of their officers with the best grasp of the English language contact with Ireland immediately.

It actually took about three days, a bomb squad cordoning off of two blocks of the city, and locking up an innocent man for a few hours.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Slovak_Police_training_explosives_incident

In 2006 Frankfurt, Germany was one of the cities hosting the world cup. Ghana had made it to the world final and where competing for the quarter finals tonight. This was actually the first time that an African country had made it this far. They gave it their all, but unfortunately they were playing against Brazil, and it just was not enough.

However, they did have at least one of biggest fans there to cheer them on. The reason I know this is because this guy must have been cheering, supporting his team to the point he was found “sleeping it off” sometime later. Germany was a good host country and to prove it they brought this individual to the hospital to make sure that everything was ok.

Well, initially there was not a lot known about the “sleeper” as he was out cold. Early on they decided perhaps he was a Ghana visitor. This was because periodically he would sit up in his bed and yell “Ghana” and the Ghana vs Brazil game was today.

During rounds the physicians were discussing this case when one of the doctors mentioned he thought the patient came from Ghana. This of course triggered him to sit up and yell Ghana. As a matter of fact, simply saying Ghana in a quiet room was enough to trigger the patient.

Ethanol or grain alcohol is the good type of alcohol. It is typically made through the fermentation process using a bacteria (yeast) to consume the sugar and produce alcohol. One of the limitations of this method is that the upper limit of the beverage that is created is 20% alcohol.

Higher percentage drinks are possible by a further distillation process which will separate out the ethanol from the rest of the beverage.

Methanol, or wood alcohol is the bad alcohol which is poisonous. The body breaks methanol down into formaldehyde which affects the optic nerve and will cause blindness and eventually death. The two different alcohol’s are not interchangeable.

There was a small incident in the Czech Republic in September 2012 where a small Czech company that was intentionally selling ethanol beverages which have been diluted with methanol. This did perhaps help with the profits but didn’t help with public health. While the government was trying to get a handle on the source of the poisonous alcohol they instituted a ban. During this time, there was a sign outside of a local bar.

“Sorry no alcohol, only wine and beer”

Well, a bunch of guys were taking a small road trip. The were partying on the train and having a great time. One of the bunch was having more fun the rest. How can you tell which one is having the most fun? Well, he had so much that he “fell asleep” on the train but the party continued in his absence.

You shouldn’t run with scissors, leave small children near poisonous animals nor leave a marker near a bunch of drunks. During my college years I heard about people waking up with a second watch drawn on, a mustache or perhaps a small goatee.

This group was actually much more inventive than that. They marked up their buddy with a vengeance so he looked like some sort of ancient tribal warrior. Every piece of exposed skin on his neck and face were marked with lines and symbols.

The party was nearing and end, and our “victim” was now awake. During a stop it was his responsibility to get more libations. So he dutifully went to the liquor store and bought eight bottles of vodka. During this process he received a few odd looks but nobody dared to say anything to him.

The cashier was a real professional she kept a strait face and was scanning the bottles at the register. Well, until he made one final comment.

I wonder why everybody keeps staring at me.