The door to success

It isn’t all that unusual that you see motivational posters on the walls at work. Over the years I have had a keychain and a coffee mug that was also intended to help me “think outside of the box” and “work smarter not harder” but it was just recently I was blown away.

This week I haven’t seen any motivational items but I have seen a few signs and stickers advertising internal trainings. I was not expecting to see a sign on the door stall that I have seen around the office.

The sign says that this is open the door to success. The sign was interesting enough but it was hilarious when I saw it used in a slightly different setting.

Twenty is a fairly small number

The number five is a small number if you are comparing the number of breaths you take during an hour, or quite a lot if you are measuring how many heartbeats you have in a second – everything is relative.

In the world of computers you might find five to be quite a big number if that is how many times you have to reboot your personal computer a day. Yet when speaking about some of the large Unix computers in the computer center even the number three is much too large. These computers can be run months or years without a reboot, and a lot of them do.

That is why we were particularly troubled by the payment application that we were supporting. It was pretty unstable, so unstable in fact that we decided to automatically restart it every eight hours. It was started in the morning before daily processing in Europe, Asia and America. We knew this pretty bad, but management wouldn’t commit to rewriting this interface if we couldn’t guarantee that the new one would run better – it might and it might not. The system stability was tied software vendors API and their product and we couldn’t make any promises about that.

Actually three wouldn’t have been so bad if we could have held it to that, but when the system became confused it would have to be manually restarted during the working day. This may be anywhere between zero and five times during an eight hour shift – well the most manual restarts ever required during a single day was about eight.

To be honest, I don’t think that the vendor’s product was 100% at fault. A great deal of it was how that customer extension was written along with a somewhat unstable product. It would not be even terribly noteworthy if my company wasn’t a fortune 1000 company.

You must be tired

My buddy was looking at the statement for his reported hours the previous month and he was a bit surprised that there was a small discrepancy in the hours he reported versus the statement. The difference was that 15 minutes were missing over the course of the work week which seemed to be an impossible number considering that the time was entered in whole hours.

Martin is a bit of a perfectionist and had to find out what had happened, so he called the company help desk and ended up having discussions with second and third level support. Eventually he discovered that according to German law (or perhaps it was company policy) that he must have a 15 minute break after each four hours of his day, and on Monday when he traveled to the project he had exactly eight hours entered into the reporting system which considering no lunch was correct. Yet the system knew about this special requirement and automatically deducted 15 minutes from his time-sheet which is where the discrepancy occurred.

I did agree with Martin that it was a bit ridiculous that during his five hour train journey that the system automatically inserted a “break”, which I tried to imagine him standing up and trying to do a just bit less for the company during those minutes while trapped on the train. Eventually he learned that if there was no pause during the day, such as lunch, the system automatically deducted this time and there was nothing that could be done about it. I am not positive about this but I think starting the next month, his train journeys including the time at the client site started to take about a quarter of an hour longer on Mondays and Fridays.

Sticks like glue

Nobody ever would want a nickname that made them sound especially weak or silly. I am however amazed at how difficult it is to pick out a good name. When I was young I was speaking with my friend in the entryway and my father overheard us, he overheard me speaking to someone and so asked me to whom I was speaking. I thought it would be clever and said that I had a mouse in my pocket.

From that day forward my friend was called “mouse” by my father. The nickname stuck despite being a rather offhand comment. Over the years I have tried on occasion to give a nickname to a friend or a colleague but usually it was a futile act. Unfortunately at my first job I had a better luck, yet like my father it was not so much of an intentional act, and Dan didn’t seem to appreciate it.

Dan was clowning around one day carrying a plant as camouflage just like in the cartoons with the goal of not being seen. My comment was something similar to “whatcha doing skippy”, well that was said out loud and even heard by a couple of people. It was an instant hit. The nickname fit so well he couldn’t get rid of it. To his last day at the company he was trying to get away from that nickname.

Sorry about that Dan

Penny wise and pound foolish

During the initial implementation of the companies risk system we were told to write programs and just make things work. The computers were from Sun Microsystems who also happen to be the creator of the programming language Java. We had the Java language and we also had a Unix server so we should have been ready to get to work. Yet software development usually requires a bit more than a simple editor (vi) and a Java compiler. This method of software development is hardly any different than using a simple editor to write a book.

Sure we could actually get things programmed but it wasn’t the most productive way to create programs. The good thing, or bad thing depending on your point of view, is that software developers are usually hired for their problem solving abilities. It didn’t take long for our group to quietly download some of the typical programmer tools from the Internet ( Eclipse, ant, vi, notepad++, winmerge, putty, cvs and winscp). This gave us the proper tools for developing and refactoring code in addition to managing the changes so nothing got lost. The official rules are don’t download anything from the Internet but our boss knew that we needed tools in order to produce.

I was speaking with someone from another group who was telling me about the group that develops on the internal TAP project which is an internal bug request tracking system. It seems that in addition to that group not having an enlightened manager they were also saddled with a rather odd technology. They were programming in language Delphi, there is nothing inherently wrong about using object oriented pascal to solve your problems but it turns out that this one didn’t appear on the list of company supported programming languages.

The set of tools that our group officially uses is not much better than a using flint and steel to start a fire but they were basically waiting for a lighting strike to start there fire. Because Delphi is not on the list of official technologies means that the client won’t officially purchase this Delphi development environment. Those developers simply spent their time taking notes and then trying to compile and test the changes on their laptop. This isn’t a very good solution as the database with the real world tests and bugs existed in the client’s network but it is forbidden to connect unapproved equipment to the network. I have no idea but I suspect that copying over the final executable is also breaking about 20 different company policies.

To this day, which is about four years later the client still refuses to purchase even a starter edition of the Delphi development environment. The cost of the starter edition is probably the cost of half of a single consultant day for these two developers – oh did I fail to mention that they were external consultants?

A clean cut hurts the least and heals the quickest

Back in the day my company was transferring their development staff to Chicago due to entering a new market and the staff was terribly excited. So excited in fact that productivity suffered. Yet not every one of the developers were going to be transferred. Not everyone wanted to leave London nor was everyone invited. For those that were not invited, they could see the career opportunities would be rather limited in the future and so they all started to find new jobs.

The bad news was this was around Christmas time and some of the departments were having small Christmas parties at the “pub” during lunch. Coming back to work after being in a bar was not the most productive, but the real problem was the different developers were having leaving parties for all their coworkers once they found a job – also celebrated at the pub. The party would start about lunch time in a nearby pub. The culture in London is a bit more laid back about have a pint or two over the lunch break thus having a leaving party at lunchtime is also accepted. It only took a few weeks of the entire development department going to lunch and either not coming back or they coming back after having “a few too many”.

Thus the company’s official line from that point on was that leaving parties must be scheduled after 4pm1 It probably would have been more productive to transfer everyone and fire the rest over a month period than the fun yet not so productive six month period that it took to transfer all of us.

1 Darn those American kill-joys in management

Working hard or hardly working

The boss had made up his mind – my department will be able to work remotely to support in various situations such as year end reporting or during Christmas. It was a bit of an empty threat as most issues that would come up were something that required IT assistance to correct. Not difficult things, it could be as simple as delete that bad datafile or re-run that process. I like IT, some of my best friends are in IT, but it tends to be difficult to reach anyone from that group outside of normal business hours when these types of issues occur.

The command came from on-high so I tried to connect from home and was pleasantly surprised that most of my daily activities worked just fine. I did encounter a few small things that didn’t work that were important enough to get fixed. So I filled out the form on the intranet which although convenient didn’t really allow for much in the way of details. In a nutshell, I could give my details and a small description of the problem and attach a single document.

I tried to describe everything and the attachments had screen-shots showing all the errors. The way support works at my company is not very different than trying to report a PC problem to the manufacturer. It involves emails, no telephone calls unless they call you.

I don’t want to say that my boss is impatient but that is the impression he gives so I had to show him where the process was breaking down. The first time it was ticket about two connectivity issues and the second ticket was almost the same as the first but it included a new issue.

Every week or so I created a ticket asking for information or status on my original tickets but this didn’t seem to make any progress. Finally about five weeks later someone actually stopped by and looked at all three errors and could see that indeed the program didn’t work. He then called other specific support groups for each issue but all he managed to do during that hour was update my company profile permissions, which didn’t solve anything.

I thought his efforts were benign until a few weeks later when I actually needed my laptop, now nothing worked remotely. It took half a day and a few phone calls before it was working as it had previously – sigh.

I told the boss that he would need to escalate this through other channels and he said he would do so. I was quite surprised the next afternoon to receive a contact from support who wanted more information. The questions are almost exactly like talking to a large PC manufacturer in the sense that most of the information was either already provided or the question didn’t apply.

What I found to be really annoying was this was not the support person, but rather the situation. They sent someone who did not understand any of my issues nor who could actually make any corrections to my environment. She only wanted to gather more information for the rest of the support group who had not to this point even seen my request.

I suggested I could try to gather up some of this information but my account is that of a normal user and most this was not available to me such as which IP addresses of the destination computers or what ports am I using. My support person did have a solution to how I could get this information, she suggested that I fill out another support ticket asking for that information.

I guess if this was a soccer game, it would be support 1 user 0. The only thing that has happened is that two months have passed and no issues have been solved. I guess that my boss doesn’t have quite the power I had thought.

Tales from the dark side

It would be nice if all stories from work were about missing coffee cups, missing food from the fridge with the occasional Christmas party story. Unfortunately, this is not always the case.

I really try and keep this quote at the front of my mind every time I encounter what seems to be a pathological story from the work place.

Hanlons Razor

Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.

These stories are not the most severe examples of workplace obstruction but just a few to describe some of the things that happen in big companies, governments and far off lands.

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